Fitness after Loss

It's only day three of getting back into my fitness routine after my miscarriage almost two weeks ago, and let me just say, this is hard as f*ck. I'm not completely ready to talk about everything I went through losing our pregnancy, but I did want to discuss a little about why I'm struggling so much right now with my fitness journey and what my plans are to stay consistent. I'll be using this post more to set myself up for success by proclaiming my goals to the world wide internet, because if it's online, it's gotta happen, right?

I was cleared by my midwife this past Thursday to continue life as normal, which meant I could finally get back to working out after almost two weeks off. You're probably thinking, "Oh, it's only two weeks off so what's the big deal?". The big deal is all the trauma and rapid hormone changes my body has gone through the last almost 7.5 weeks from when we conceived to even now while my body readjusts. When I had my appointment on Thursday, my HCG levels were still at 11 which means it still hasn't all left my system as of yet. I have one more blood draw this coming Thursday to ensure my levels get back to zero then hopefully my hormones and cycles will get back to "normal".

My body has gone from conceiving, to growing life then suddenly losing that life in an incredibly short amount of time. My hormones have gone up, spiked, dropped and are still currently trying to level out. I know they aren't quite there yet because of my still SO present mood swings that have been amplified recently. I also have to be quite honest that I have not been fueling my body properly the last few weeks and that is contributing significantly to my struggle of getting back into my fitness routine.

The program I decided to commit to while I ease back into everything is Shift Shop, which is a program created by Chris Downing and is available on BeachBody On Demand. It's a three week program and each week the workouts increase in length and intensity. I had completed this program back in October and was in arguably the best shape of my life. I was down to 164 lbs and had muscle definition I never thought I could have. I had also come off doing an entire round of Liift4 so the program was not as nearly difficult as it is right now.

My first workout, I was expecting to be able to breeze through the 25 minute Speed workout, which consists of one minute intervals of body weight cardio moves, just like I had done back in October. I was only SIX minutes into my workout and four moves in and could barely breath. My lungs were on fire and I already felt a cramp coming on. How could my body seriously be this fatigued in SIX minutes when I've done Cardio Flow from A Little More Obsessed before? If you don't know that ALMO workout, just know that it is THE HARDEST cardio workout I have ever done and it took me three different tries to get through the entire thing.

I was starting to feel defeated and I almost wanted to punish myself by pushing through when I knew I needed to stop, press pause and take a break. The emotions that came over me were so intense, I wanted to break down and cry. I felt like my body was failing me, between losing the life we waited so long for to now, not even being able to get through SIX minutes of cardio. I hated my body in that moment and wanted to quit so bad. What's the point of continuing to try so hard if my body was failing me on every level.

Then reality hit me as I looked over at my why, my two year old daughter Olivia. When I started this journey almost a year ago, it wasn't just for myself at first, it was for her. I wanted to be able to run after her without being out of breath, be able to one day coach whatever sports team she is on, to just be the best mom possible. I knew in order to be the mom I needed to be for her, I needed to start taking care of myself. I began that journey in April of 2018 and I've come this far so why quit now? Seeing her playing in our driveway while laughing at our dog chasing the cat reminded me I can't quit anymore. I took a big deep breath, drank some water, pressed that damn play button and kept going. That workout was harder than day one over a year ago but I finished it!

I always expected that once I "got into decent shape" that it would be easy breezy for the rest of my life. What I've come to learn is that health and fitness is basically a chart of ups and downs and you never know when those moments will happen. There's going to be days and weeks when everything comes super easy and you think to yourself, "I've got this". There will also be weeks when you want to quit, binge Netflix instead of pressing play on your workout and eat that entire box of Oreo's your husband bought that are sitting in the cabinet. There is no one way to do this and it will take time. Along the way I need to remind myself I am human when the hard times hit and I am doing the right thing by focusing on my health.

I'm listing my short term and long term goals below to hold me accountable. I'm hoping all of you reading this will help hold me accountable by calling me out if you see me sitting on my couch in my Instagram stories or not posting about my workout, CALL ME OUT. No one can do this entire thing alone and that includes me.

Short Term & Long Term Goals:

March 25th - March 31st: First week of meal prep following Autumn Calabrese's new nutrition program

Month of April: Finish Shift Shop and pick a new program to fully commit to. I do NOT want to jump around from workout as I find this keeps me from being consistent. I'm planning on doing 21 Day Fix, but still not 100% sure. I also want to do another round of Liift4 sometime soon because I loved that program.

Month of April: Lose 8 pounds (yes, I know not to focus on the weight but I have weight to lose)

Month of April: Meal prep EVERY SINGLE WEEK and cut sugar intake significantly according to the nutrition program I'll be following

End of April: Be able to do an unmodified push-up again

Month of May: Start 30 days of NO SUGAR

Month of June: Continue to stay committed with my workouts and nutrition

Month of July: Be down to 160 lbs (roughly) and begin trying for our rainbow baby

*These goals may change as time goes on depending on my progress, so we will see.

Current weight: 178 lbs

Measurements: Coming Soon (insert laughing emoji because mom life keeps me from remembering to do this)

Here's to getting back to focusing a little more on me and our road to our rainbow.